(Photos by the talented Erica Rose)
I’m not going to try to convince everyone that it is for them, I know for some it may seem odd, or like you are breaking some sort of cardinal wedding rule. But it is so worth it….
Before my own wedding, I had been in the industry long enough to know that a first look was an absolute must for our day, but before I saw my first look, and witnessed two people in that moment, I was skeptical. I was the little girl who dreamt of her wedding day, the moment when my groom would see me walk through the door in my gorgeous gown, on the arm of my dad… he would of be beaming, with tears filling his eyes, thinking to himself, “I am the luckiest man alive”.
That’s the dream right? The way that weddings are depicted in movies, that pinnacle moment in every wedding scene of every chick flick ever made. But what those movies don’t show you are the immeasurable amount of nerves, excitement, and overwhelming emotion that you will be feeling the entire morning of your day. They don’t show you that between the beginning of the ceremony and the end of the reception, which sometimes spans 8-10 hours, you will be lucky if you have a moment alone, just the two of you, to process everything that is happening. To look each other in the eye and say, privately, “I love you, I am the luckiest.”
Some people may not even be aware of what a first look is, I certainly wasn’t. To try to put it in simple terms, it is a moment before your ceremony, before you take bridal party photos, before you have been immersed in to the role of host; a time for the two of you to soak in that moment. It includes you walking up to him, perhaps turning him around, and the two of you seeing each other for the first time with no one around except your photographer. It allows you to embrace and release all of that emotion together, without having to be conscious of a room of 100+ people staring at you. It allows your photographer to be in control of the situation, giving them the opportunity to truly capture the emotions of the moment. It is a time for the two of you to talk, to be yourselves, for the two of you to look each other over, compliment each other, hug and kiss as often as you would like. It is 15 min of the two of you alone, an opportunity to just be.
The morning of our wedding I was anxious. Not nervous so much, but anxious. We got married in the beginning of October, with an outdoor ceremony and reception. It was cold. Like. Really cold. I was anxious thinking about how we were all going to stay warm, hoping guests wouldn’t be annoyed or angry that we decided to go this route. I was anxious that my dress was going to be too tight or too big, that I might have forgotten some of my make up at home, that our flowers weren’t going to be there on time, that the boys were going to sleep in and weren’t going to be ready for the group photos, that people would get lost traveling from our rural ceremony to our rural reception, that the food wasn’t going to be good, that the DJ was going to be garbage, that we weren’t going to have enough heaters… I could go on and on, really. I think every bride could agree that on your wedding day a million things will be on your mind.
I knew there was only one person who I wanted to see, that could calm me.
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As we were leading up to the moment of the first look I felt nothing but butterflies. The kind that you feel in your stomach, your throat, and all over. We were going to have the moment happen on the dock of my families lake house, a place that is so significant to me, truly my childhood home, where I have so many blessed memories. It only seemed appropriate that this moment happen there.
As I was walking down the stairs I could see Cody, with his back turned to me, and all I could think was “don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip.” (about 8 years before I had fallen face first down those same stairs, resulting in a dislocated shoulder and a bloody face… which I had honestly forgotten about until THAT moment. ugh. brain. I hate you.)
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My bridesmaids, nieces, my in-laws, and parents were all watching as I approached my tall, strong, + handsome groom.
Let me be specific here. My husband is tall, strong, funny, sarcastic, smart, and a complete softy. He is my protector, with him I always feel safe. He might not be the kind who you think, by looking at him, would show his emotions openly. But he does, and I love that. You never have to wonder what Cody is thinking, because usually he will tell you very straightforward. It’s one of the qualities that I love most and appreciate most, and it made this moment all the more special.
His reaction to seeing me for the first time was absolutely genuine. I approached him, turned him around, and we had about one second before we both started to cry.
This next shot is my absolute favorite from the entire day. It may seem odd, because you can’t see either one of our faces, but you don’t need to. He is crying, bending over to rest his head on my shoulder, my hand on his neck, me crying in to his shoulder, holding each other. It captures that moment so perfectly. I look at this photo and tears form, my heart flutters a little bit. I am taken back to that exact moment.
Again, I am not saying that this is for everyone. The two of us. We needed this. We needed to be able to see each other, to talk to, hold each other, to cry. We needed to have that emotional release before we were put in front of all of our guests.
I have had brides ask me if this moment, if the first look, takes away from that feeling you get as you are walking down the aisle… no. It absolutely does not. It’s different, especially if you are on the arm of someone who has taken care of you, who has loved you your whole life. Walking down the aisle, the “passing” of the bride to her groom, these are all special and significant moments in their own right. Having a first look allowed me to soak in that moment of walking down the aisle with my dad, it allowed me to think through what exactly was happening, without my mind being clouded with nerves about Cody seeing me for the first time.
I will never forget our first look, or the two hours afterwards, driving around the Wisconsin corn fields with all of our best friends, toasting to what was sure to be a wonderful day. I know that choosing this option is not for everyone, but I would urge all of you future brides out there to seriously consider a first look, to talk to other people who have done the same, and to talk to your photographer about how you could make that moment special. I assure you, you won’t regret it.
